


and miles before i go to sleep

by belivets (orphan_account)



Category: The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: Angst, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, first time writing fic, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:07:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/belivets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At night, Clint thinks of what never was, and what could have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and miles before i go to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> prompt from the avengers kink meme for anonymous. they requested Clint/Coulson with the theme infidelity.

Alone at night, Clint Barton thinks. 

He thinks about what they did. He thinks of a hot mouth and strong hands, and of thrusts that left him gasping for air. He thinks of the marks he would suck into Coulson's skin, hidden underneath starched white collars and expensive suits and he thinks of the finger shaped bruises adorning his hips that Coulson would leave in retaliation. He thinks of words traced into trembling skin with tongues, with fingers. 

He thinks of the lies, of the sneaking around. He thinks of hurried meetings in bathrooms and in offices, of hands shoved down trousers and quick, hard kisses. He thinks of the twisted pride he felt, of the thrill that would hum deep in his bones every time they snuck away on undetected.

He thinks of the featherlight touches that always left him aching. He thinks of the whispered conversations, always too loud in the silence, as if afraid that she would somehow overhear, would some know what her beloved husband got up to. He thinks of how sweet Coulson tasted when he smiled that ridiculous smile that he got when they were alone together. He thinks that he loved him.

He thinks of the team. He thinks of the disapproving looks Natasha would shoot him when she knew he was looking, and the way her expression turned to worry when he looked away. He thinks of the congratulations Thor and Bruce gave Coulson on another year of marriage, of the little gifts Steve bought for Coulson's son, and of Tony's offers to fly him and his wife away for the weekend or the week or the month. He thinks of how Coulson's eyes shone with fondness, with love, when he mentioned her. He thinks of the tiny child with the wide eyes and dimpled face, the child that would grow up to never know who his father was. 

He thinks of Coulson, still and white in his coffin as it was lowered to the ground in his SHIELD issued funeral. He thinks of how numb, how broken he felt. He thinks of Natasha's hand curling in his and the way she held him afterwards when he was back in his apartment, and free to mourn. 

He thinks of things he is too ashamed to say aloud. He thinks that he hates her. He thinks of how he hates the tie she has to him, hates that she will be remembered as his wife. He thinks of how goddamn unfair this all was. He thinks of the times he wished Coulson left her and then he thinks of the times he wishes Coulson left him and sometimes thinks of the times he wished he was strong enough to stop this himself. 

Alone at night, Clint Barton thinks.


End file.
